Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hi alll!!!! Hey, I wanted to direct your attention to a special person who has helped me out a lot with his kind words. I only found out recently, but he is in the process of making something secret, a secret no longer. Pleeeeaaaaasssseeee if you understand what he is going through (which I imagine anybody who is reading this does:)) go read his blog http://tredflash.wordpress.com/ and send him your best thoughts!!:)

Thank you,

Erik

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6 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 4, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Tony is an inspiration to many of us. He's the main reason I've come out to as many as I have, and I've been working on telling my family, too. It's a great blog, with wonderful stories, written by nothing less than a virtuoso.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  2. tmanMay 16, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    hey sweetheart! Geezz.. What a nice thing to do! And, it went right over my head!

    I'm, sorry I've been so hard to find lately, Erik! I've had a lot on my mind and I'm trying to pretend that everything is fine, but it has been a difficult time for me... Even the remembrances that I write to try to stay busy, have a certain sadness about them, when I read back over them. I guess that's the kind of memories that come to the fore at times like this.

    But, you know, I waited for a very long time to come to this point in my life, and altho I would have felt a lot better about my decision to come out if my family had been more supportive, it's my friends and the younger people in my life who have given me the love that seems unavailable from my own siblings. I count these wonderful people- Godsons, nieces, friends from every walk of life, and now you, as my new family- that which sustains me everyday... Thank you for caring, sweetie... I mean it. It fills my heart with joy... And now, I'll go to sleep, knowing that there are still good people in this world... love and hugs, tman<3 (Tony)

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  3. ErikMay 18, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Hi tman!!!!! Don't mention it. You have been a fabulous friend. It was
    my pleasure.
    You have a life, lol! Don't worry about being hard to find:) I have no
    doubt this is a hard and probably scary time for you. You don't do it
    because it is going to be fun, easy, or even enjoyable. You to it
    because you don't want it to be some kind of secret any longer. For
    myself, I know deep down, that I want those close to me to say, that it
    is okay. Or, I want to know how they really feel. Not just when asked
    the question in a sideways type of way. Sorry, that sounded rather
    morose, I am trying to be honest with my own feelings as well (as I
    write this). I am glad that you have felt the love from your younger
    relatives and friends. This may sound even more morose, but even if I
    myself receive acceptance from just one person that is close to me, it
    might even be enough/worth it.

    Thank you,

    Erik

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  4. tmanMay 22, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    Hi Erik... I just read your comment and it really struck a nerve... I've been struggling with the silence that my coming out brought into my life. From my family.

    I've been talking to various people about this and one recently said something like, 'well, you should be happy it wasn't a condemnation... did you expect a parade?'

    lol... Yeah... IDK... It's hard to describe. There are different forms of condemnation. I have lived my life acutely aware of ALL of them. Maybe it would have been easier for me if I hadn't cared about people... I could have shrugged all of this off a long time ago!

    But that's NOT me. Never has been. I was always more needy of love than some, I guess. Probably the whole idea that I was not loved unconditionally by my parents because of my 'defect', made it even more difficult for me. I have known a lot of guys in the same boat over the years. Some say they don't care anymore, like they've hardened their hearts... I guess my coming out was an attempt by me to stop that from happening in my life... I opened the door just a little in the desperate hope that I would finally be loved the way I was created.

    So, there haven't been any parades. I didn't want any. A few hugs would have been nice tho. Maybe even a phone call from time to time, to say that it's OK... I never asked for much of my family. I was always the 'provider'. I guess it is asking too much for things to be different now.

    I'm sorry for the sad comment, Erik.. I almost didn't write this, but I thought it might be a little insight for someone else. And, who knows, I may come back here and read this 6 months from now and things will have changed 180ยบ... :) Hope springs eternal... luv, tman<3

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  5. ErikMay 22, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    Its okay tman! Please feel free to write whatever you feel, and express yourself the way you want to. I hope things turn out well. Even if everything does not happen the way you (or any of us, for this matter) want it to, you are giving the people who do love and care for you regardless, the opportunity to get closer to all of you.

    Take care tman!!!

    Erik

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  6. AnonymousJune 26, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    Hey, Erik!
    Time for an update! Schools out! You can find time!
    HAHAHAHA
    Peace <3
    Jay

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