Hies!!!!!!!!!

I am okay physically, but not doing too good emotionally right now. I was in a small fender bender, a car accident. Everybody is fine. The damage was to the front of my car, which seems significant. There is almost nooooo damage to the other car, just a scratch, and I reallllly do mean a scratch......was a biiiiiiigggggg car. I have good insurance, it will be paid for, it was just one of those stupid random accidents, I was only going about ten miles an hour, but there a line, and the line of cars started slowing down, so I started slowing down, then I think I looked down at my steering wheel or something like that real quick, and looked back up and saw that the car in front of my stopped suddenly, I stomped on the brakes, but I hit the vehicle, not hard, I was going slow, but my car is small, hers was big, and it did a signicant amount of damage to my car, literally nothing to hers.


When I was talking to my mom about the accident, she said that I might have to move back because of how much insurance might cost now in the future. She might be right, finances are verrrrry tight, but okay. She also said that she does not understand why I moved, I have only a couple months left of school, why are you not saving that rent money for when you are done, you can save it and pay things off, like car loan.

I tried to explain to her that I needed to get out on my own, needed my own place, I felt toooooo old to be living at home......these were alll told truthfully. She mentioned that she noticed that I do forget things, am forgetful, and she worries about these things, that they will cause a real problem in my life eventually. She also said that this is causing me lots of anxiety, the forgetting things and moving and living somewhere else....I said.......truthfully......that I have felt better and less anxious and stressed than I have felt since about half a year/a year ago, and having my own place has helped. I reallllllllyyyyy don't want to move back in. I do usually.....feel better that I am living away....having my own place.....not right now though. having the oppurtunity to do things I could never do while living at home is great. I don't know right now what will happen.....but right now I feeeeellll really guilty about not saving up that money that I am spending on rent.....especially now that I have screwed up so bad. She also mentioned that I did act somewhat curt and mean to her at times. I told......truthfully....that, that was becuase I felt like I could not make my own decisions when I was living at my parents places.....yes, at my freaking age even.....that my decisions were alllllllwaaaaaayyyysss picked apart and alllwayyyys considered wrong, no matter how trivial they were. She didn't see it that way, or think that it was happening that way. I know, this sounds like something a fourteen year old should be writing and not a mid twenty year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that I am rather a bit of a little shit. Feeeeel like I reallllly screwed up......I got into an accident, and got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago, plus I was already in a smalllllll fender bender about six years ago. She might be right............about the money and living elsewhere while having a temporary-only job, graduate school, billlls, am I doing the right thing in spending money for rent right now? Should I move back? Dont know anymore. Plus, I treated my mom a little mean apparently, which she might.......is probably......right about.

Feel like I realllllly screwed (sorry for the repeat, but writing more emotionallly than grammatically correct:))up this time, going to try to change, like put sticky notes with *be more careful* or *pay attention* on my dashboard of my car. I don't know, sorry for the bigggg rant, just not doing too good right now.


So, yeah, I am a little shit. *sigh*. Will talk about how going to judge for speeding ticket went.....I am going tomorrow......and about some other things later.

Sorries this is not a happy post, just worried about me screwing up my life........



Thankies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erik

Okay guys, I want you alll to take a look at Larry's blog.

To celebrate Larry's life, his cousin is doing a gifts for Larry. Pllleeeeaaasssseeee check out the blog and if you can, pleassssseee contribute!!!!!! I know of at least two charitable organizations with drop-off locations  near me that accepts gift for those that have none for christmas:( It is a small thing to do, to give someone a smile:)

If you need some inspiration here it is...
Hmmmm, most of them are kissing pictures....I am in one of my *lonely* moods again *sigh* *tear*.


What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

(Yeah) We need a change (Yeah)
Do it today (yeah)
I can feel my spirit rising
(change, yeah) We need a change (yeah)
So do it today (yeah)
'Cause I can see a clear horizon

- Proud by Heather Small

Gainesville, Florida 2005 Gay Pride Festival.

Gay Poem

by *Hei-Chan

I just found myself today,
found out I was gay.
For reasons I cannot say,
what caused my sexuality to sway.

Now I know I like men
But who would know since when.
Seme? Uke? I can't decide.
Who cares as long as I no longer hide.

Now it's time for me to go,
frolic and prance with a show.
Being gay is sometimes called a low,
but being in denial will just give you sorrow.

So c'mon my fellow fags,
Let's show the world that gender is a useless tag.
So gimme none of that ignorant nag,
Since love is the most important swag.

 Hmmmm, most of them are kissing pictures....I am in one of my *lonely* moods again *sigh* *tear*.

Hie alllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, it has been a while...but nothing has been going on....at allll......on annnnyyy front. Boooohoooooo. Was going help my house owner put up the christmas lights for our house tonight, but he had other stuff to do, and I got up waaaayyyyyy too late:) Am excited about putting up the lights, we apparently have a big tree, and lights for the outside and nice looking candles for the inside. Will be nice, instead of dad always doing it the way he wants to. Soooo, that will probably happen tomorrow, and if there is time....I will go to a verrrrryyy big mall near me, for some shopping....and to go shopping for other things.....while I am there.....which apparently the place is verrrrryyyy abundant offff:)

Thankies!!!!!!! Bies!!!!!! I hopefully will have better news next time!!!! I think I am going to try for a boyfriend.....and yes, someone that I actually want to be boyfriends with........before christmas day.